a new beginning.....almost

So I am in the last half of my senior year of high school. There is so much going on right now, but at the same time there is nothing going on. I am trying to get the pre college things figured out. It is crazy how the decision of where I will be going will completely change the course of my entire life. I see my friends who are taking it all so lightly and I don't understand how they do it. The problem is that right now I can only do so much. I've applied, emailed the advisors, and all the other hooplah, and so all that is left is just time to wait. I am waiting for acceptance letters, for summer school classes to open up (so I can take a math class and be eligible for NC schools), and for high school to be over. Wait wait wait wait boring boring boring blah blah.

High school has flown by. I know everyone says that, but it is the truth. I don't even remember most of it. It all just feels like a big awesome blur. But how could I even think about the past when I have this huge move into the future coming up? I feel as if all I do is wonder about the future. Everything about it is so up in the air. I don't have a job, senior year is so easy, and for the most part my whole life is just easy right now, and so I have a lot of time to just sit and think about what is next in my life. I can't even day dream about anything specific or for sure though, because I don't know where I am going to be next year. It is frustrating and sometimes I find myself wanting to fast forward through this season of waiting and being unsure. This time in my life seems so pointless.

But as I step back and look at where I am right now, I realize some things. I am not just confused and floating around in space waiting to grab a hold of a star. I am in my hometown. I am with my family. I am with my friends that I have had since the 3rd grade. I am with my dogs. I am with my high school. I am sitting in my room with my noisy ceiling fan. I am looking at the posters and maps that I have hung on my walls and ceiling over the years. I have all these things and so much more. All these things, people, and places that make where I live now my home. And soon.... I will be leaving all this for a new journey somewhere hours and hours away. I get teary eyed when I think about all the things I will be leaving. And so this time is indeed for waiting and day dreaming, but it is not pointless at all, it is for embracing the family, friends, and the stuff that are here and that have been so awesome to me over the years. I want the moments left here in Germantown, TN to last forever.

I am thankful that God has given me this awkward period in my life. So I pray I don't wish it or day dream it away, but instead live the crap out of it!